I wrote this during my first year of teaching 5th graders {10 & 11 year olds} in the 'notes' section on my fb page. I re-read it the other day when a girlfriend, who is just finishing up her student teaching, shared a silly story about what one student had said to her. I laughed and told her how I made a list of all the crazed things that happened or were said in my classroom. Some things are just too unbelievable to go unrecorded.
With 33 students and one gum-shoe teacher fresh on the scene, things are bound to get wild. Most of the items listed here were more of a vent than anything else--which will explain my overtly sarcastic tone. After a long day with these cute kiddos, some times I just had to moan and groan. Here's what you get when that happens. Maybe it'll give you some laughs today! ;)
This is a place when I can record the obscure, humorous, and interesting events that happen to this first year teacher and her 5th grade students.
1. D.A.R.E. police officer thinking my male student was a girl
2. A loud fart resounding in the room as I instruct the whole class and a young girl turning red
3. We finished a Native American unit and decided to write a page paper about what our name would be (being characteristic of who we are)...one girl named herself "Lazy Cow" because she's lazy at home..hmm
4. To date, I have been called "mom" twice by two separate boys..hmm.
5. In a love letter writing assignment (my guidelines said to pick someone you love, appreciate, care about), a cocky male student decided to write about a girl he met randomly & knew for only a week...Clearly, he's going to have difficultly writing a meaningful 4 full paragraph essay. Ah, young love & ridiculous student! How are you going to write paragraph #2 discussing your relationship & geographic distance if you don't know where she's from (and obviously, won't see again) ? Yet you are still so certain that this is a deep, meaningful relationship?!?!
6. Ah, 5th graders can be so mean: male student gets mad, shouts at other male student: "You brown, rotten banana!"
7. Talking to one student, another tries to insert his own opinion into our conversation. My response:"This is an A-B conversation. You may C you're way out." Male student's response: "Really?" and gets up to leave classroom. Geez, sometimes I really fear my attempts at humor are far above my 5th graders. This is bad, considering I spend all day with them!!
8. Today, a really irritating student, whom I've had to fight to even like this year, decided that instead of doing math that he would draw all over his face with purple marker. Then he was shocked when I sent him to the principle's office. "What?!? I didn't know it was against the rules!?!" Come on, man, are you 4 years old and drawing on the walls? Grumph!
9. Got an e-mail from some parents who are divorced and have a struggling student (behavior & academics) stating that they wanted me to e-mail them every time their student had a missing assignment. I send home "parent alerts" (paper with missing assignments) but they stated that it wasn't enough. Hmm....How about sitting down with your child and checking their work at home? I don't get enough compensation to e-mail you and be a private investigator for you. You birthed them, how about you raise them? Iono, silly idea?
10. It's a sad day when an 11 year old wears more make-up than you & wears a black bra (with the straps showing) to support a heavier chest as well.
11. And all you people who forgot about "Family Life/Reproduction Body System", well I now have re-learned all that material just this year. So helpful for my daily life, truly. Especially when you have to explain diagrams and vocabulary to 10 & 11 year olds! So fun! :)
12. A wide-eyed, curious little girl asks,"Is it true that if you do it with your cousin, you'll have deformed babies?" My response: "Um, well, definitely NOT a good idea & I would never recommend it. Let's get back to the topic at hand: the Vas deferens. This tube carries the sperm out of the body."
13. I have a summer school student named Hyemin...wonder how that will go later on in life...
1. D.A.R.E. police officer thinking my male student was a girl
2. A loud fart resounding in the room as I instruct the whole class and a young girl turning red
3. We finished a Native American unit and decided to write a page paper about what our name would be (being characteristic of who we are)...one girl named herself "Lazy Cow" because she's lazy at home..hmm
4. To date, I have been called "mom" twice by two separate boys..hmm.
5. In a love letter writing assignment (my guidelines said to pick someone you love, appreciate, care about), a cocky male student decided to write about a girl he met randomly & knew for only a week...Clearly, he's going to have difficultly writing a meaningful 4 full paragraph essay. Ah, young love & ridiculous student! How are you going to write paragraph #2 discussing your relationship & geographic distance if you don't know where she's from (and obviously, won't see again) ? Yet you are still so certain that this is a deep, meaningful relationship?!?!
6. Ah, 5th graders can be so mean: male student gets mad, shouts at other male student: "You brown, rotten banana!"
7. Talking to one student, another tries to insert his own opinion into our conversation. My response:"This is an A-B conversation. You may C you're way out." Male student's response: "Really?" and gets up to leave classroom. Geez, sometimes I really fear my attempts at humor are far above my 5th graders. This is bad, considering I spend all day with them!!
8. Today, a really irritating student, whom I've had to fight to even like this year, decided that instead of doing math that he would draw all over his face with purple marker. Then he was shocked when I sent him to the principle's office. "What?!? I didn't know it was against the rules!?!" Come on, man, are you 4 years old and drawing on the walls? Grumph!
9. Got an e-mail from some parents who are divorced and have a struggling student (behavior & academics) stating that they wanted me to e-mail them every time their student had a missing assignment. I send home "parent alerts" (paper with missing assignments) but they stated that it wasn't enough. Hmm....How about sitting down with your child and checking their work at home? I don't get enough compensation to e-mail you and be a private investigator for you. You birthed them, how about you raise them? Iono, silly idea?
10. It's a sad day when an 11 year old wears more make-up than you & wears a black bra (with the straps showing) to support a heavier chest as well.
11. And all you people who forgot about "Family Life/Reproduction Body System", well I now have re-learned all that material just this year. So helpful for my daily life, truly. Especially when you have to explain diagrams and vocabulary to 10 & 11 year olds! So fun! :)
12. A wide-eyed, curious little girl asks,"Is it true that if you do it with your cousin, you'll have deformed babies?" My response: "Um, well, definitely NOT a good idea & I would never recommend it. Let's get back to the topic at hand: the Vas deferens. This tube carries the sperm out of the body."
13. I have a summer school student named Hyemin...wonder how that will go later on in life...
4 comments:
SO not looking forward to 11-18 I hope I can hang or that I prepare G enough that he will be a good and resectful young man. Don't know how you did it Jess, but don't think I won't be tracking you down for advice.
I need to come back and read through this, on days when I struggle with home schooling and wonder if Ethan will thank me for the work and efforts I put in :)
This is great. I completely understand your need/desire for documenting this. Well worth looking back on!
Like Ash said; The begining of a challenging age. Definitely not looking forward to that stage.
Oh my goodness, Jessica! You made me feel so much better as I am trying to climb out of my "valley" in teaching this month! So great seeing you this weekend...let's plan something soon!
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