The Short: William was terminated
The Long: I just got back from taking William some lunch. We were at home and I was getting lunch for E, when W called with the bad news. I got that nasty pit in my stomach where I could barely keep up appearances before getting Ezra off to bed. Utter shock. The sinking feeling where you can't concentrate on anything before you. I waited for him to get home. We talked together. Cried. Sat in silence. And cried some more.
It seems the firm has a habit of over-hiring in the hopes of growing each year. For several weeks, many of the new hires were doing tax work because there simply wasn't enough audits to go around. They let go of W and another. Sounds like if they hadn't made the cut, there wouldn't be enough work for the rest of them in a few weeks. The last time they hired {two years ago}, they started out with twelve and let go of seven. They are probably not done with this group yet.
While it was such a shock, W couldn't say he was surprised. His performance review a few weeks before wasn't stellar, but most of the newbies were in the same position. This career has a steep learning curve and a lot is thrown at you the first year. In fact, W and a few others even talked about what they would do if they were let go. It was hanging in the air. Many of them were worried about how slow they were working/understanding the process. And in this position, time is money.
It's been a unique experience to share with my husband. We've never really had to face a "big trial" before or hit a "bump in the road". Sure, we had an extremely high maintenance baby once, were poor while he was in school and have had our share of disagreements...but nothing that's floored us. Nothing that's made us say, "What now?" and "How long will this last?"
And as much as this hurt/still hurts, it's been really cool to learn more about my husband and the way he thinks. We are so different in that way, yet still understand each other. I go through the "what-ifs" and "if-only" and he remains clear-headed and confident about what's happened. I've been asking him a lot of questions to learn more about him since he's such an internal processor. And he's been patient with me as I process out loud. That first night we found out--as we went to sleep-- I asked W if it was odd that I actually felt relieved. He said no because he felt the same way. Seems like it just wasn't quite the right fit yet.
The mourning still isn't over, but we are ready to pick ourselves back up, dust off, and soldier on. While it's been really nice having my husband back, I didn't envision getting him back this way. Dwelling does nothing. Now, it feels like we're heading down this path in complete darkness. Darkness about which way to go. Darkness about when doors will start opening up. But my SIL, Ruth, was onto something when she encouraged me with the fact that the Lord does great things when we've finally reached our end. And truly, we only know a very very small piece of this story. He knows and writes it all. There are moments when I'm faithful to lean on his promises and other times, not so much. I've already had to repent and ask for forgiveness from W. All part of the refinery process, eh?!
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still
-- Exodus 14:14
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me to night,"
even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
--Psalm 139: 11-12
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
-- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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Author's note: I really didn't want to write a post this soon. I'd prefer to wait until William had better leads or better yet a new job. Staying silent until then is easier, isn't it? "We were at such a low point then but now it's so much better." or "We were struggling and confused then, but now we're as good as gold." Sharing weaknesses like that is easier too...when we're strong and confident again. W has a few weak leads but nothing that equals what he had. But as W prayed at dinner that night, we do not find our worth through what we do, what we have, or who we are, it's through what Christ did for us on that cross. He's made us whole and clean.
I want to be honest on this little blog. The Swensons have nothing to hide. I've always loved the motto "What you see is what you get." And this just happens to be where we are in life, currently. However, it will be nice when we can look back on this time and chuckle about life's fickleness. And how we learned yet again of God's grace and love.
I want to be honest on this little blog. The Swensons have nothing to hide. I've always loved the motto "What you see is what you get." And this just happens to be where we are in life, currently. However, it will be nice when we can look back on this time and chuckle about life's fickleness. And how we learned yet again of God's grace and love.
